I know that I haven't been allowing myself to spend time with my own thoughts. I flood myself with video games, art, piano, writing. Never leaving off even for a moment just to relax and be at peace. I think about lighting candles and surrounding myself in soothing music and incense and just stopping the intensity and insanity for a moment, but I just never do it.
When I think about the medication I'm on for depression/anxiety I realize that when I forget to take it I'm a real mess. I cry and sob and feel like the world has come to an end. Really it's a more natural emotional response to me than I feel when I do take the pills because there is a definite numbing sensation when I'm medicated that I can hardly explain... I don't know which is more desirable?! Numb and complacent, or faltering and crumbling...I guess either way I'm destined to be a mess. I may as well embrace it right?!
Here is an upcoming Rictus Show Flyer in case anyone is interested :)