Blue (riagoose) wrote,

  • Mood:

on my mind

What's on my mind? I'm all over the place in my thoughts and actions. Kind of getting lost in the sea of existence and not quite knowing how to swim to higher ground. I'm unsturdy and unstable--getting all of my thoughts jumbled about until I can't even figure out what I believe in or what I want to do.

I know that I haven't been allowing myself to spend time with my own thoughts. I flood myself with video games, art, piano, writing. Never leaving off even for a moment just to relax and be at peace. I think about lighting candles and surrounding myself in soothing music and incense and just stopping the intensity and insanity for a moment, but I just never do it.

When I think about the medication I'm on for depression/anxiety I realize that when I forget to take it I'm a real mess. I cry and sob and feel like the world has come to an end. Really it's a more natural emotional response to me than I feel when I do take the pills because there is a definite numbing sensation when I'm medicated that I can hardly explain... I don't know which is more desirable?! Numb and complacent, or faltering and crumbling...I guess either way I'm destined to be a mess. I may as well embrace it right?!

Here is an upcoming Rictus Show Flyer in case anyone is interested :)

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